My Body.

Jul 27, 2021

On Monday, I started rehearsals for a job I’ve only ever dreamed of doing. I am going to playing a dream role - Roxie Hart in Chicago. A summer job in Slovenia, festival Ljbiana.

In my mind, everyone has such a clear idea of how they want this character to look and what they should look like. I know I’m slim, I know I have curves - in fact, I love them. But still, the thought of mirrors, being back in a rehearsal room and around other beautiful dancers can still sparks a pretty unnerving conversation with myself.

The expectations and pressures we find ourselves surrounded by are enormous - but they’re not entirely self-constructed.




For me personally one of the many contributors to this negative thought pattern has been the many comments I’ve had from casting directors ( through my agent of course, they darent say it to my face!). ‘ she needs to lose weight’, ‘she looked too frumpy’, ‘she is too womanly at the moment’. I could go on.

The impact this had on me was catastrophic. I’ve spent years in and out of the audition room, questioning myself and comparing myself. Waking up and taking far too long to worry about what leggings and top to wear, making sure it’s flattering & allows me to ‘look the part’. Sound familiar?

For others, this internal/external pressure might not apply to body shape or size, but to race, religion or background. Or perhaps a combination of everything.




Things are definitely getting there, slowly but surely. Shows are being cast with diversity in mind, which is excellent progress. But we can’t stop now. We learn, we grow and things change over time - but this only comes about with actively driving change, both inside and outside the theatre.


How did the pandemic impact my relationship with my body?

For the past 18 months I’ve been able to live in my body without the usual pressures the arts industry and my work brings to my life.

Living in joggers and leggings has been the kind of comfort we’ve all been waiting for. Breathing out, not constantly worrying about sucking in because that’s what we’ve been conditioned to do since grade 1 ISTD ballet. I mean ‘Loungewear’ must have been Google’s ‘Most Searched Word’ in 2020, surely!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have been devastated to see what this time has done to our beautiful industry. However, so many great things have come from it too.




This year, I haven’t had to see myself in a mirror for longer that a couple of minutes. I haven’t had to compare myself to other people worrying about whether they’re prettier than me, more talented than me, have better credits than me, whether the panel think I look good enough… the list goes on.

These are things I’ve always been pretty good at managing, but of course they still creep in every now and again, and that’s something we shouldn’t be ashamed of. We are only human.

However, there are not many other jobs you rock up to full of doppelgängers or people who look like they could potentially be your long lost cousin. Then there are a few very good friends also thrown in there who you are - let’s face it - competing against for the same job. You’re routing for them 100% of the way because you want them to do well, but you can’t ignore the fact that this job will pay for your rent/mortgage/family/unhealthy amount of tv subscriptions & gym membership you’re only using a third of the year!

The pressure to get the job is REAL. And therefore the minute we enter that audition room, our anxiety peaks and we question everything.


Having time to reflect

I’ve thought about life inside and outside the theatre industry, particularly focusing on what truly makes me happy.

I’ve learnt about boundaries, balance & the beauty of simple living. What defines me and what doesn’t. It’s taught me that community and true friends is a pretty critical part of happy/healthy living. That breathing in the fresh air and walking is essential to my mental health. Human connection and contact is not to ever be taken for granted again. Seeing my loved ones smile and laugh brings me more joy than pretty much anything else in my life.




I’ve spent a lot of time working on my relationship with my body, with my mind and building my business. Learning to love myself and to look beyond my body, while also learning to appreciate what it does for me.

For example, founding Prep Your Rep has been one my proudest achievements to date. I learn from each and every person who steps through the door or logs into the Zoom room. It’s been a glorious way of getting to know others while also getting to know myself.



Celebrating your body

This is a warm reminder that you are bloody gorgeous. Your body is your home. You get to live in it until you die. So celebrate it, support it & love every inch of it! Collectively, let’s change the narrative of how we talk to our body - let’s start being a hell of a lot kinder to ourselves!

I’ve worked on it and will continue to work on it for a long long time. Let’s make a pact and work on it with me! It’ll be the game changer you need after 18 months of madness. I promise.


Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, metus at rhoncus dapibus, habitasse vitae cubilia odio sed.

We hate SPAM. We will never sell your information, for any reason.